Friday, June 4, 2010

close call

Yesterday as I was rushing around the house getting dinner (okay it was take-out) and the kids ready for a babysitter to come so I could go to 3.5 hours of meetings for my church responsibilities, Grace climbed onto the couch (a new accomplishment) and got her self tangled in the cord from the roman shade. I could hear her making an odd noise as I walked down the steps and when I got to her she was turning purple. As I rocked her and helped her to calm down, I felt like I was the one strangling.

I've been lucky to not have very many close calls in my 9 years as a mom. I was seriously in some sort of shock. The babysitter showed up soon after and I walked through instructions and settled everyone in and left. I almost didn't go, I wanted to send the babysitter home and sit on the couch and hug and kiss Grace for the rest of the night. But, she was done being hugged and kissed and had already forgotten what all the fuss was about so I left. But that feeling has still not left me.

And the feeling is sort of like this: not panicky or sad or guilty or anxious, but calm and resolute and determined to lay my head on my pillow at the end of everyday with the knowledge that I did my very best, and that it was a little better than yesterday's best. I won't be unrealistic and say I will never again yell (because, I don't like it, but I raise my voice everyday and it will be a hard habit to break) or grab someone's arm too tight, or nag about something trivial, but I am sure as heck going to try. And play a little more, not for hours and hours, but just a few concentrated minutes now and then. And sprinkle in some more compliments and more hugs and more eye-contact-I-love-yous. And you better believe I will be wrapping up those shade cords way out of reach.

So if this was a wake up call for a mom who needed to step it up - I'm awake. Please, no more close calls.

10 comments:

Ronda said...

Wow! MA. Never like those close calls, but maybe it's a way for us to be aware of our surroundings through a childs eyes. So glad things are well now.
You are a super mom as I have seen through so many things you did while you lived here and we worked together.
My stake meeting was only 2 1/2 hours last night.

Keep up the great work of being a fantastic mom!!!

dixieandben said...

That girl!! You need to put her in a bubble suit.

Kimberli said...

Wow! How scary! I can feel my heart just pounding like yours must have been. I love your renewed resolve. It's a good reminder for me especially as summer break begins. No more close calls okay?

Jennifer said...

I hate close calls. I'm glad she was fine. I'm glad you are letting the moment remind you of some things instead of beating yourself up. You are awesome.

cam said...

Aaahh! I hate these types of stories. Unfortunately they happen to all of us. I am so glad she is alright.

House Of P said...

The first time, and I say first because there was a second, that "A" fell down the stairs from top to bottom, I cried longer than he did. I really don't like those wake up calls! I'm SO glad Grace is O.K. and that you are too. I love your renewed resolve and hope to do better too.

sue said...

This made me teary this morning, MA. Scary, scary stuff. Now if only YOUR wake up call can wake me up, too. I like your not-over-the-top resolutions for motherhood. I'm keeping your ideas in mind today (and hopefully they'll stick!)

jkmace said...

Thanks for your strength and example over the last many years, I am constanly learning from you and will continue. I am glad to know I am not the only one with close calls:) and your attitude is still amazing! I can't wait to see you soon! We should be heading your way a little more often now!

carrie said...

Oh that just gives me the chills - I can't even stand to think about it. What a sweet little peanut. Give her a kiss from me.

Melin said...

That is just a heart attack, so happy she's ok and and of the prefect resolve it gave you.